Celebrity Fetish

Okay, I know some people have various fetishes and I sort of get it. I once overheard a rather pretty Asian girl go on about how some guy apparently had some Asian fetish because he was persistent. I left it alone, but thought, a guy liking an Asian girl is not a fetish; not being able to get over that edge without a foot in your mouth is a fetish.

That is what I think the deal is with peoples' fascination with celebrities. But it goes farther than that. I believe this bizarre yet seemingly natural and widespread fascination with people some find somehow superior is why the world is the wreck it is. That some teenage girl would gladly blow Mick Jagger even today because of who he is is mind-boggling enough, but why does humanity allow certain people in superior positions claim the rights to impinge unfairly? What I mean is, why does all of North Korea allow that leadership to systematically decimate the country's population? He's just a short, fat asshole with some sort of monomaniacal complex; he is not superhuman in any way.

Or, is he?

I recently watched a good piece of a documentary on Caligula (I saw the movie years ago...eww) and it just boggles my mind how the Roman Empire, which consisted of most of the civilized world at the time, allowed some pudyank in his early twenties to overrun the people he was supposed to lead. Vlad the Impaler had impaled bodies on pikes numbering in the hundreds or more all around where he ruled, and everyone was good with this because of his position. He was a leader, but also a celebrity.

It seems to be an unfortunate element of the human condition to allow other people who are deemed somehow superior to inflict their superiority without infringement. Just days ago, we allowed the most corrupt governmental body ever to exist (the Obama Administration) claim every American citizen is a potential criminal that must be spied on to keep us safe. But when Kim Jong dipwad's kooky dad died, people who didn't display enough grief were incarcerated and disappeared. Side note: Why would I refer to the Obama Administration as more corrupt that that of the North Korean police state? Because they are a ruthless dictatorship and are happy to say so, whereas this country is supposed to be a free, self-governing nation comprised of a government with limited, enumerated powers. HOW IS THAT NOT FUCKING OBVIOUS!!!!

Okay, where was I. The Holocaust was a human tragedy of incredible proportions, but Hitler (well, he is in charge) went on and one while the people went on, claiming they're just doing their job. How come not one of them went on and said, "WTF?" Likely, many did, but Hitler's celebrity status allowed those who failed to recognize his superiority likely felt it firsthand, like on the Night of the Long Knives.

It doesn't pain me much to see our society fawn on the goofball life of Kim Kardashian. I think she's very pretty, but pretty girls are everywhere. But top-heavy Kimmy isn't going off the deep end like pathetic Justin Bieber (Beiber?). The stories of what this creepy little dipshit is getting away with makes me want to see him dropped into a squared circle and beaten like a child molester by The Rock. He is a no-talent little brat riding this bizarre celebrity wave, and he's getting away with it. And this is ONLY because of his celebrity status.

There are people I admire for various reasons. I don't hide the fact that Pink Floyd is my all-time favorite band, but I will state for the record that I cannot wrap my head around people getting all gushy and stupid in the presence of celebrities of any sort. If I met Roger Waters, I would be happy to shake his hand and tell him I believe he's the best Lyricist there's ever been in Rock, and the epic he created with The Wall has immortalized him for as long as humanity exists and enjoys music. But I would also be willing to ask his honest opinion on what he thinks about people acting like morons in the presence of celebrities. Roger, maybe I run in circles that are too tight and perhaps I have a disability, but I am stumped on this whole celebrity thing. What sort of ciggies do you smoke and might you have a spare? I quit, but would enjoy a smoke with him while he shared a thought on where his ideas come from. But I would not imagine I am basking in some sort of light.

I think Charlize Theron is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, but I wouldn't know what to say should the moment come up when I might meet her. If I saw her with someone I knew and I saw them point at me, telling her, that's the guy who thinks you're all that, I would tell her I am a bit embarrassed for being called out, but it's nice to meet you and you sure look lovely today. Then I would lean in and say, "Wow, I have not one idea of what else to say. Do you like Pink Floyd?"

When I was a kid, I learned the Pledge of Allegiance, so I struggle with the attitudes given and tolerated when it comes to fuckwads like Pelosi and Feinstein, Obama and Cheney, and on and on. I pledged allegiance to the flag and to the Republic for which it stands (this is about the Republic, not idol worship) but I do not recall any allegiance to ANY POLITICIAN. I don't care who they are; they do not deserve some bizarre celebrity tolerance or political excuse to distract from what they are supposed to do in their job. I have no allegiance to any President. You begged for the job and got the job, so do the job because it is just a job. The spirit of America did not want government to re-adopt some royalty stance (Royalty? Don't even get me started) so you're just supposed to do the job you applied for, just like everyone else. Because this is not demanded and that a celebrity status is placed on all politicians regardless of place (even down to county levels), our country is in a tailspin and heading for the rocks below.

I have less intolerance for big personalities (I just love and respect Clint Eastwood) because these people have demonstrated a cause for our attention. But even then, I don't give a hoot about your celebrity status and I believe that the better personalities would likely be thankful to those who shook off the celebrity attitude and just liked these people for who they are.

I have only one celebrity personal encounter and would like to share this all of you, and for those who have read this far, I would appreciate your thoughts. A little over twenty years ago or so, I was working at an attraction called Journey Into Imagination and on one particular afternoon, Michael Jackson and his entourage decided to come and see the ride. You see, his movie, Captain EO, was in a theater attached to the building at the time. Anyhoo, the buzz was just ridiculous. Every manager and doofus with a sense of self-importance showed up to do...well...who knows what, but they enacted some draconian crowd control and made a fuss unlike any other I've seen.

They stopped guests from loading onto the ride for about ten minutes and then allowed Mike and his guys on, and then they allowed about another ten minutes of empty cars, all to create a cushion of space. This I understood and found a good idea, what with all of who this fellow was, but everything else was like something in the Twilight Zone. People gathered around and just stood there with their maws agape, waiting to see the ultimate celebrity of all celebrities. One would think they were waiting to see a live, captured Sasquatch, but it was Jacko. I so wished for a twelve pack of anything so I could shake up the cans and hurl them at these people, and then yell at them, "Can you see yourselves?"

So, all of this is going on and Mike and the gang are on the ride, which takes about fifteen minutes. I am so counting the minutes because I want this over and gone so we can get back to normal before intelligent aliens stop by and see this, and eventually Michael and his people started coming our way to leave. Once they were off the ride, they were going to come past me and go through the door I held open and they would disappear.

What occurred about this time stuck with me for all these years. I saw Michael Jackson and his handful of people coming, and everyone was just awestruck by his presence. Awestruck might even be an understatement. But he looked really anxious and uncomfortable and largely ignored the gaping fools and occasional challenge to his sexual preferences (I hope you two guys are proud) until he was spoken to by this little girl near me. She looked to be about six years old or so.

Once Michael was fairly close, this little cutie (she was cute as a button, with blonde curls and a cute princess costume) waved to him when everyone else was frozen in shock, and she said, "Hello Michael," as she waved.

The tension I witnessed pour from this man was unlike anything I've seen. He seemed to instantly shed forty pounds, smiled genuinely and then waved to her and said, "Hi, Sweetie."

Moments later, they were all gone and soon things returned to normal.

But what I saw kept me thinking even up to these days. Michael Jackson long caught hell for his unhealthy desire to be around children, and this did get truly unhealthy and wrong. But I cannot help but to think that only children allowed this man to be a human being rather than some captured freak from planet Thriller. Every single time I have seen this guy on the TV or whatever, people were all around him treating him with what they thought was reverence, but really as a separate entity to be worshiped. It seemed like only the kids would let the guy be a person, but because of what the celebrity status did to his sanity, he drifted well past the line and left it behind him.

Celebrity status seems to be a very potentially life threatening drug. It's killed some fascinating people who died too soon. So, if it is this easy to compare the celebrity status to Meth, why isn't it shunned like Meth? Well, I would like to start a campaign claiming it should be.

I would like to see a fresh reexamination of the celebrity status and have this explored by a large amount of intelligent people. I would like to see a panel of people discuss this at length, particularly with those who must endure it. This is because I believe this attitude and demeanor is a vestigial aspect of prehistoric goofs touching the 1x4x9 Tycho Magnetic Anomaly before they could mumble, "My God. It's full of stars!"

I believe we should recognize this illusion for the life-threatening fallacy that it is and ensure we prevent it from influencing politics, media, or anything resembling real life.

If anyone should meet Charlize Theron, please tell her I love her dearly and that if she would drop the restraining order and recognize how much I could mean to her if she would just dismiss the silly celebrity concerns, things would be so much better for everyone. Thank you.