My wife and I were just beginning a small vacation, staying at home and merely relaxing for a few days. The TV and the coffee pot were on, and we were getting ready to run a few errands needing attention and we'd just came back inside after taking the dogs out for a morning walk and run. The Florida weather was pleasant and stress levels at a marked low. And then the news began perking up.
We turned to the news to see what this plane crash in NYC was about, knowing something like that would be profound in that environment. I was sitting there wondering to myself, how could anyone make such a mistake as to lose control of a plane like that and actually plow it into the side of such a landmark? What level of mistakes and shortcomings lead to that, and what's the level of damage and loss of life? The news people were gabbing on and on as the cameras focused on the event, and I knew this would go on for quite some time. I was mainly waiting to hear about survivors and if there were clues to what led to this.
And then, while sitting there with my coffee in hand, right there on live TV, I saw the next plane come into view and blaze into the other tower. Literally, the first words out of my mouth were, "We're at war."
What occurred and how it all unfolded doesn't need to be relived here; we all know what happened. And yes, the conspiracy theories abound as to the real deal of the day. But what went on the next day and the next and the next to the moment I am writing this here on a Saturday morning with my coffee getting tepid are the events that changed me forever. In fact, this is a continual and chronic evolution of me.
At the time, we quickly learned of the people responsible for this, or at least we thought we did. We were led to believe these were the lunatic fringe of an otherwise peaceful and moderate religion who conveniently picked and chose what elements of their faith they would adhere to and then justified these snippets with violence. We also saw a country, our country, come together in a way rarely seen, joining us in a common cause and concern for our people.
How this genuine nature and outreach of humanity from the populace deteriorated so quickly did and still does give me pause, but it was through continual exposure and honest analysis of the enemy at hand that has changed who I am as a person. At the time, I had been out of the military for nearly a decade and gave matters of political strife little thought. I was duped into thinking we'd vanquished the strength of Communism (wow, was I wrong on that one) and we didn't have another significant enemy to combat. When I left service, they were driving out everyone in droves, making it clear that all the peace breaking out renders you people redundant. We'll pay you to officially get lost.
What continues to burn at me is, A, how the media and our political body continually paints a picture of peace and civility within the evil that is Islam when the overbearing evidence demonstrates to the contrary, and B, how fucking idiotic nearly everyone is to buy into this fallacy despite the evidence literally threatening their existence.
I have spent a considerable amount of time and energy learning far more about this thing called Islam and I'm only more concerned with every bit more I discover. What I've learned frightens me on several levels, such as how convicted the extremists are to prepare for their quest and how nonchalant the ignorant are of this.
Shortly after that tragic day, I moved to rejoin the military as I recognized my place was indeed not over yet. But I have a bad ankle that's been repeatedly injured over time that shut that avenue down. I was trying to regain a proper physical fitness but kept causing the ankle trouble, forcing me to recognize that ankle isn't going to endure the rigors of Basic Training I would have to redo. I had it examined and was told that it actually required surgery if it wasn't going to plague me as I aged (that surgery never occurred and it has placed me on a cane and I know struggle daily) and it certainly wasn't going to endure Basic.
So, I had to pursue this another way. Rather than go in and fight in uniform with my Brothers in Arms, I would have to stand vigilant from out here. Being surrounded by ignorant fools who bury their heads in the sands for the benefit of Political Correctness has proved challenging, but I hold steady and forge ahead despite the constant label of being a chronic asshole.
I don't recall how much information I've gained about this plague of Islamism because I've lost count of all the books I've read, written by experts and, more importantly, people who were once in the extremist fold and changed for the better. I've read books, paid attention to news pushed down by the mainstream media because it doesn't support the peaceful Muslim narrative, and today I know more about Islam than I do the faiths of my own land.
I live in constant fear, but not for me. I worry horribly about the future of the world and how it will look ten, twenty, fifty or more years from now. Will the good people of the world continue to gobble up the fantasies and fellate the Islamic agenda preparing for world domination? I have reached out to friends and family, but still I receive but just a tiny bit of understanding and a lot of criticism and, frankly, a good dose of mocking. My beliefs and convictions are not based on anger and hatred (but they do make up some of the foundation) but rather a cornucopia of information gathered up over the last fifteen years.
I do this every damned day. I learn more and share more daily. I continually seek more information and readily share it as this threat grows in strength and our political body grows ever more corrupt and incompetent government. I see many get it and understand the nature of the war we fight, both hot and cold, but I fear for those who choose to remain blissful in their ignorance as the slaughter chute narrows with every step.
I have prepared and gathered the necessary tools for me to engage if necessary but I grow worrisome about my daily aging and the issues that come with that. I have a bad ankle and failing shoulders, and my back wants in on the game. I have more than enough to defend myself but my job (I am a truck driver) keeps me from my family far too much and I fear this vulnerability. Of course I share my feelings and knowledge with family, but my girls can only do so much. I recognize the knowledge and experience gained during my time in service might prove invaluable, but will it be enough? The game played by this enemy is FAR stronger and better organized than I am alone.
Every waking moment passes seeing me recognizing I am surrounded by both evil and stupidity combined with stark ignorance and limitations, and I know the moment is coming. For fifteen years now I have readied to take this on should it reach me locally, and I know I'm not alone. I have learned there are major threats but also major allies. I know fighting this is my mission in life and I know there are others better prepared to fight this mission and their all around me. But as this thing exercises it's patience and builds on its strength, my mortality creeps in. If this thing pushes back another ten years, how much can I really do at that point? I am educating my loved ones on the use of firearms and other weapons of defense, but these Islamics are training their kids to kill from toddlerhood. Our own government is stealing our liberty and freedom while most of us cheer with thunderous applause that this government claims it has our backs.
For fifteen years now I have moved away from who I was fifteen years ago. I am different and I'm told I actually look different, whatever that means. As time moves forward I worry that the average American attention span will falter to a point that we may very well be sitting ducks when the prophesied moment comes, and there will be only so much I can do. As time goes and my body breaks down (my injuries combined with my age actually prevent the proper level of fitness and endurance required of a soldier) my mind and spirit are challenged to make up the difference. I can't run two miles in a matter of minutes anymore, but I can shoot just fine (and I'm quite experienced with cutlery) and I sure as Hell don't have anything better to worry about. Defending my family and my country are Priority One. My Oath didn't go inactive on my ETS date. It does that the moment of my last breath.
Fifteen years ago I concerned myself with ambition for my future, the best pizza and the moments that make up a quality life. I mainly wanted to love and laugh. I thought I did my part for the bigger picture after they told me to pack up my stuff and go home. I wanted to spend most of my day at Disney World and check out the pretty girls. I wanted to see my daughter grow up to become something marvelous (check). I wanted to correct some of my failures and make my wife and kids proud of me and happy with me (still working on that- check in later).
Fifteen years from that time, my brow is troubled and I have a bad limp. My teeth suffer from the severe grinding and too many worry about what the ocean levels might be in a century rather than how those levels might rise due to the influx of cold blood any day now. My heart is dark and I certainly have no fucking desire to be a centenarian. Today, I truly believe humanity is the worst thing to ever happen to the universe, even though I truly believe that same humanity just might become the best thing should it really desire it. It doesn't seem likely but it surely seems worth the effort.
Today, I am not who I was fifteen years ago. Today, I don't know if I'm better or worse, but I hope I am who and what I need to be, should it come to that.
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